i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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