If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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