Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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