R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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