I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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