He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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