I'm passing your future prison.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
