So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ugly people sure do ruin things
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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