I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
