at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
