When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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