I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
