yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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