bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My bed smells like the plague
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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