the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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