That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
