They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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