this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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