I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
