A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
