My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize