last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
