he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize