I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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