Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
