By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
