goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
