don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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