You really coming over, don't trick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
