i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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