So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
