Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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