dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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