is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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