The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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