Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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