I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
