This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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