I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
