I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
