alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
