I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
