Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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