is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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