Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
