If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
