I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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