have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
