remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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