whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
