when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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