I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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