we have pet lesbian snakes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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