I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
