she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
