thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
