Do vagina's smell?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
