i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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