Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
