Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
