Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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