I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
