Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
