she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
