I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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