tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
