They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
