The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
