i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
