yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
