Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
