I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
