Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
