she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
