Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
