there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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