I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
