He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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