i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
