maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
