Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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