I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
